I’m trying to think of a really great metaphor for the way I feel right now, and the only thing I can think of is Captain Hook. I’m not entirely sure what my chopped off hand would symbolize, or who Peter Pan would represent, but I swear that I can hear that crocodile following me around, perhaps lurking in the harbor just outside, and I know exactly what that ‘tick-tock’ means.
Three months and 20 days abroad. As long as forever, and as quick as the blink of a shiny crocodile eye. I’ve got just about two blinks left, and then I’ll be seeing my beloved new country from an airplane.
I knew this year would force me to grow up, but it’s only now that I’m acutely aware of the reality. For me, growing up means taking responsibility for your choices. Unfortunately, this means I have to make decisions for myself. I’m not very good at making decisions. At home, I would agonize over whether to buy this book or that one, whether to take Drawing and Painting 1 or a Watercolor class, and whether I should get ham or roast beef on my hoagie. The choices I had to make back in my sheltered Northfield environment were hard enough. Here in Italy, more independent than I’ve ever been, with thousands of opportunities before me, I feel overwhelmed by the abundance of experiences I could have, at once spurred on and stifled by the omnipresent crocodile counting down the days until I leave this beautiful country.
It’s sort of a terrible truth that no matter how many times people tell you “The time will fly” you never really comprehend it until it’s already flown. I feel like the last three months I’ve lived in a beautiful dream life of an Italian teenager, and now I’m realizing that I’m not an Italian teenager; I’m going back to the United States in a matter of months, and I will never have an opportunity like this to see Italy.
People say that you shouldn’t feel imprisoned by the relatively little amount of time we have to live. Live in the present, don’t live life in a rush, relax, take time to smell the roses, and my personal favorite, Carpe Diem. So I guess in theory I should hop on the back of that crocodile and ride him around like we’re best friends and Time is on my side.
Well. Easier said than done. Obviously I’m still loving the small things of everyday life. I’m starting to think in Italian. I now want to eat pasta every single day instead of wishing for a bit of variety. I’m completely in love with the bus system. I also love the tram. The Christmas decorations, the rain, the fashion, the soccer, the hot chocolate, the sea, everything; I really, really love it here. But Carpe Diem doesn’t mean Live the Day or Enjoy the Day or even Love the Day; it means SEIZE the Day, and I mean to seize every single one of my days here. So yes, I occasionally find it hard to contain my enthusiasm when trying to figure out how to see Tuscany and Rome and Pompeii and Umbria and Puglia and Napoli and Milan and everywhere else, but that’s okay. I know that even in my rush to do everything I possibly can, I’m still enjoying every single moment here.
Although this is probably already evident to you, enjoying every single moment here means that writing blogs tends to occur more in my head than on my computer; I have several things to write about, and just need to find the time to write them. I’ll try and have a few smaller posts up within the next few days. In the meantime, I hope everyone is enjoying the Christmas season! Ciao e baci grandi da Italia :]
Sara
